Arseholes, Hatoyama, and JAL Hotties

After getting me to draft the legislation to keep out the gaijin, those idiots at the Japanese Foreign Ministry still manage to fuck it up completely. Kunio Hatoyama, all you needed to do was parrot the line about security and safety for all citizens and gaijin alike. See what we’re looking here is a slick slogan, a tight tit-bit, a sound bite, and I can tell this ain’t it:

A friend of a friend is a terrorist.

What an arsehole. So Kunio-kun phones me up blubbing a couple of days ago. What am I going to do? This is a disaster. Why didn’t any one buy it? Toss-head. Advice Kunio. Shut the fuck up forever.

Anyway, so there I am having to bail out the Ministry of Justice again. So I say: “Look Kunio-kun, what the public doesn’t need is some politician who frankly looks like a Japanese porn actor – no Kunio not Chocoball, the desperate salarymen that they drag off the street with the flaccid dicks – what they need is some handsome stud like myself to promote this fingerprinting thing. I’ll show up at Narita, turn it in to a photo-op, perhaps a movie short or something – come Oscars time I’ll send on a native Ainu instead of me. I’ll blow em away. The public will lap it up, and the press who have no bollocks anyway will be ‘Kazu protects us again from the foreign scourge.'”

So that’s the plan, I’ve got my private film crew there, half the phone numbers of the JAL hotties – who wouldn’t want to sleep with me, yeah baby – have to admit it though took my eye off the ball, and let Kunio-kun out of my sight. Jesus, he’s like a teenager in an Middle Eastern whorehouse – 30 seconds he’s stuck his dick into the belly dancer’s eye, and come over the Persian rug. God knows what he says to that reporter from the Mainichi but next day after kicking the JAL girls out of the Presidential Suite, I’m perusing the papers looking for the hero angle, and there’s this:

TV celebrity Kazutomo Miyamoto urged immigration officials during a photo-op to use a new process to fingerprint inbound foreigners to fight foreign crime, not terrorism as the government claims the system will be used for.

Kunio, you know and I know, that the whole point of the exercise is to target foreigners, but the point is totally nullified if you tell anyone. How the hell are the police going to sneak up on unsuspecting gaijin demanding a trip to the ‘habeas-non-corpus’ friendly Koban when you go and tell the whole fucking world.

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