I love Joseph Heller

When I drafted the legal code of Japan, one of the buggers was that it looked as though the Constitution was going to force me to make it apply to gaijin and Japanese equally which although fair is not right.

This seemed to be an impossible conundrum and then I read Catch-22 (in the original English of course). Joseph Heller, I salute you, you are a fucking genius. OK, were.

Essentially, and I’ve tested this in the courts and the judges backed me (fuck they have no choice when I’ll just fire them if they don’t). It works like this:

If you any crime was allegedly committed against you then unless you speak perfect Japanese, this introduces reasonable doubt due to your misunderstanding.
How do we define ‘perfect Japanese’? Only, that Japanese spoken by the Japanese themselves.

This ain’t just a loophole. It’s a perfect circle, made by yours truly.


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